Why Equally Shared Parenting is Best For Children
Attorney Lori Barkus explains why equal time-sharing is in the best interest of the children of divorce.
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A parents separation or divorce may end their relationship, but parents must be encouraged to work together to ensure that both remain a part of their children’s lives.
Historically, courts favored mothers having “custody” and fathers having “visitation”. Courts began to recognize how damaging these labels are (and possibly unconstitutional) and lawmakers began rewriting custody laws to reflect the concept of time-sharing. States then began moving in the direction of shared parenting.
Although courts are becoming more receptive to shared parenting, not every court or Judge is on board. Judges must make custody decisions based on a “best interest of the child” standard. This phrase sounds comforting, but, since judges are not required to explain their decisions, many argue the standard is nebulous. Many Judges retain the belief that it’s preferable for children to have one primary residence. Although there is a plethora of research showing this is not the case, many remain unaware or unwilling to acknowledge it.
During Florida’s last legislative session, lawmakers passed an alimony reform bill that included a rebuttable presumption of equal timesharing, with the following exceptions:
- The safety, well being, and physical, mental, and emotional health of the child would be endangered by equal time-sharing
- Clear and convincing evidence of extenuating circumstances justify a departure from equal time-sharing with written findings justifying the departure.
- Incarceration
- The distance between residences makes equal time-sharing impracticable.
- A parent does not request at least 50-percent time-sharing.
- A permanent injunction has been entered or is warranted against a parent or household member.
- Domestic violence
Equal time-sharing never became law because Gov Rick Scott vetoed the bill. As a practicing family attorney, I have seen, all too often, children become pawns in their parents divorce. A shared parenting bill prevents the minimization of one parent, usually the father, from a child’s life. In many of these “every other weekend” scenarios, a child loses out on time with his/her father and 50% of the child’s extended family as well. Additionally, the lesser-earning parent opposes equal time-sharing because it will lower their monthly child support payment. A parent is then forced to try and “buy” time with his/her children, meaning that the parent pays full child support just to get the other parent to agree to equal time-sharing.
Child custody is not a gender issue. Ask any daughter who grew up without a father, any mother of a divorced son, any paternal grandmother, sisters of divorced brothers, stepmothers or others. Groups of women are now starting to assemble to change the system that hurts both them and our children. Leading Women for Shared Parenting (LW4SP) is such a group and I am proud to be a member. LW4SP has one cause: a rebuttable presumption of Equally Shared Parenting in Family Law. While such will help both women and men, we believe the voice of a group of strong women will be required to correct the messaging about current family law practices.
For years, womens’ groups have opposed shared parenting presumptions. What opponents fail to take into account is that presumptions are rebuttable. Presumptions provide a starting point, a leveling of the playing field, removing the winner takes all approach to child custody- a framework that is in no one’s best interest. There are some exceptional cases in which shared parenting is inappropriate or where one parent cannot spend equal time with the children, due to work or other reasons. A judge can order more or less time sharing if an equal time-sharing arrangement is truly detrimental or impossible. There are parents (fathers mostly, as 85% of custodial parents are currently mothers) who are able and willing to spend equal time with their children. No child should be denied the participation of two capable and loving parents and no parent should be forced to bargain for or purchase time with their children.
Parents are presumed equal during the marriage. What changed in the equality equation once the marriage ends? Children need and want both parents in their lives, not as visitors, but as active and equal participants. That’s why shared parenting is best for children.
Photo: Flickr/Lewisha1990
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FILED UNDER: FOR THE LOVE OF MEN TAGGED WITH: DIVORCE AND CHILDREN, FOR THE LOVE OF MEN,LORI BARKUS, LW4SP, SHARED CUSTODY, SHARED PARENTING
About Lori Barkus Esq
Lori Barkus, P.A. is a cum laude graduate of the University of Miami School of Law. She is admitted to practice in Florida, Georgia and the District of Columbia, in addition to the Southern and Middle Districts of Florida and the Eleventh Judicial Circuit Court of Appeals. She is also a Florida Supreme Court Certified Circuit Civil and Family Law Mediator, a member of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals and the Collaborative Family Lawyers of South Florida. Lori handles matters involving : divorce, custody, child support, paternity, Collaborative Divorce, adoption, parental rights, Labor and Employment litigation and family law and civil mediation. You can find out more about her at http://www.barkuslaw.com/
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A parents separation or divorce may end their relationship, but parents must be encouraged to work together to ensure that both remain a part of their children’s lives.
Historically, courts favored mothers having “custody” and fathers having “visitation”. Courts began to recognize how damaging these labels are (and possibly unconstitutional) and lawmakers began rewriting custody laws to reflect the concept of time-sharing. States then began moving in the direction of shared parenting.
Although courts are becoming more receptive to shared parenting, not every court or Judge is on board. Judges must make custody decisions based on a “best interest of the child” standard. This phrase sounds comforting, but, since judges are not required to explain their decisions, many argue the standard is nebulous. Many Judges retain the belief that it’s preferable for children to have one primary residence. Although there is a plethora of research showing this is not the case, many remain unaware or unwilling to acknowledge it.
During Florida’s last legislative session, lawmakers passed an alimony reform bill that included a rebuttable presumption of equal timesharing, with the following exceptions:
- The safety, well being, and physical, mental, and emotional health of the child would be endangered by equal time-sharing
- Clear and convincing evidence of extenuating circumstances justify a departure from equal time-sharing with written findings justifying the departure.
- Incarceration
- The distance between residences makes equal time-sharing impracticable.
- A parent does not request at least 50-percent time-sharing.
- A permanent injunction has been entered or is warranted against a parent or household member.
- Domestic violence
Equal time-sharing never became law because Gov Rick Scott vetoed the bill. As a practicing family attorney, I have seen, all too often, children become pawns in their parents divorce. A shared parenting bill prevents the minimization of one parent, usually the father, from a child’s life. In many of these “every other weekend” scenarios, a child loses out on time with his/her father and 50% of the child’s extended family as well. Additionally, the lesser-earning parent opposes equal time-sharing because it will lower their monthly child support payment. A parent is then forced to try and “buy” time with his/her children, meaning that the parent pays full child support just to get the other parent to agree to equal time-sharing.
Child custody is not a gender issue. Ask any daughter who grew up without a father, any mother of a divorced son, any paternal grandmother, sisters of divorced brothers, stepmothers or others. Groups of women are now starting to assemble to change the system that hurts both them and our children. Leading Women for Shared Parenting (LW4SP) is such a group and I am proud to be a member. LW4SP has one cause: a rebuttable presumption of Equally Shared Parenting in Family Law. While such will help both women and men, we believe the voice of a group of strong women will be required to correct the messaging about current family law practices.
For years, womens’ groups have opposed shared parenting presumptions. What opponents fail to take into account is that presumptions are rebuttable. Presumptions provide a starting point, a leveling of the playing field, removing the winner takes all approach to child custody- a framework that is in no one’s best interest. There are some exceptional cases in which shared parenting is inappropriate or where one parent cannot spend equal time with the children, due to work or other reasons. A judge can order more or less time sharing if an equal time-sharing arrangement is truly detrimental or impossible. There are parents (fathers mostly, as 85% of custodial parents are currently mothers) who are able and willing to spend equal time with their children. No child should be denied the participation of two capable and loving parents and no parent should be forced to bargain for or purchase time with their children.
Parents are presumed equal during the marriage. What changed in the equality equation once the marriage ends? Children need and want both parents in their lives, not as visitors, but as active and equal participants. That’s why shared parenting is best for children.
Photo: Flickr/Lewisha1990
500 26share1share1
3
FILED UNDER: FOR THE LOVE OF MEN TAGGED WITH: DIVORCE AND CHILDREN, FOR THE LOVE OF MEN,LORI BARKUS, LW4SP, SHARED CUSTODY, SHARED PARENTING
About Lori Barkus Esq
Lori Barkus, P.A. is a cum laude graduate of the University of Miami School of Law. She is admitted to practice in Florida, Georgia and the District of Columbia, in addition to the Southern and Middle Districts of Florida and the Eleventh Judicial Circuit Court of Appeals. She is also a Florida Supreme Court Certified Circuit Civil and Family Law Mediator, a member of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals and the Collaborative Family Lawyers of South Florida. Lori handles matters involving : divorce, custody, child support, paternity, Collaborative Divorce, adoption, parental rights, Labor and Employment litigation and family law and civil mediation. You can find out more about her at http://www.barkuslaw.com/
